Rogue's Gamble
by Varity Sinning
Summary: Rogue finds that the simplest choice is often the most difficult ON HIATUS 2/5/10 Will be rewritten 5/30/10
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any rights to X-Men characters or settings.**

**Rogue's Gamble**

**The Stakes are High**

* * *

Blaring over the PA, "Mr. Saunders, sent Marie to the Main Office please."

"You heard her, Marie," Mr. Saunders handed the study guide to her on the way out.

"Thanks, Mr. Saunders." Clopping down the hall. _What I do now?_

Upon entering the office, Logan grunted. "Ms. Marie, Mr. Logan is here for you." Logan stepped up and signed out on the visitor's log.

"Com'on kid, I'm double parked. I brought the bike, hope it doesn't mess up your hair." Rogue loved the bike, she fantasized about learning how to ride it.

"Na I'll be alright. My hair doesn't look so hot today anyway." She put the helmet on. Pulling up her gloves more securely out of habit Mounting the bike, Rogue held tight as Logan gunned the engine. _The purr, that's the best part._

~*~

Taking the helmet from Rogue, he noticed her eyeing the bike. "You're not allowed to look at my bike like that. It's off limits kid." She smiled deviously. "Come with me to Professor X's study."

"Logan I don't remember doing anything to get in trouble." Rogue ventured.

Before he knocked on the door, "you worry too much."

Professor Xavier's crisp friendly tones welcomed them. "Ah yes, Logan, Rogue please have a seat." Charles folded his hands on his blotter. "Now for the reason I brought you home. The scan yesterday indicated that only part of your brain is active during an attack." Charles studied her closely, making sure Rogue was calm.

"What does that mean?" Rogue asked cautiously.

Professor Xavier handed over a copy of the scan. "It means that an isolated portion of your brain controls that function. It might be possible to suppress activity in that area of the brain. Your ability is situated in the autonomic nervous system, more specifically in the somatosensory cortex system. Just to make sure you have full understanding. This means that it is directly tied into your sense of touch. With a combination of pre and post synaptic neurointerceptors we may be able to suppress that function. This is not without risk, it would most likely interfere with your sense of touch. A less appealing possibility is losing your sense of touch permanently, if it works at all." Both the Professor and Logan quietly gauged her reaction.

Rogue took a deep breath. "Well, that's certainly something." Examining the stitching of her gloves. "Can I go through a trial an' see if I can have a few moments of a normal life if that's possible. I'm willing to take the risk at this point. Even if it's only for a shot time," _I need to be able to touch without hurting anyone._ A thought occurred to her, "couldn't this have waited until I got home from school?"

Steepling his fingers, "I sensed that it would be best if you've had some time to digest this before everyone else returned home."

"Oh, yeah guess you got a point there." Picking her book-bag up, settling it on her shoulder. "Thanks Professor. I'm going to go be alone for a bit." Rogue dropped her bag off in her room and took off out the back door. Retreating to a favored mulberry tree, she climbed up and nestled into the fork. "Get, you." The spider scurried away from her vehemence. Rogue pulled her gloves off and touched the cotton fabric of her cargo pants. She could almost feel each thread, so sensitive her sense of touch had become. Rogue looked longingly at the mulberry tree, wanting to touch it. The tree was a living thing, it would likely suffer the effects of her power. _Mosquitos foolish enough to attack a patch of skin always died, not that she felt sorry for the blood sucking vermin. _

Rogue had never been able to go to the butterfly show. Resentful remembering Kitty and perfect Jean coming back from the butterfly show with pictures of them covered in beautifully colored butterflies. The only pet she was ever likely to have is a pet rock. _Her luck was just rotten. They don't even appreciate what they have. That I'll never have. Was that really a question, am I willing to risk it._ Rogue thought angrily. _Yeah, I'll risk it. If it works and I lose my sense of touch permanently I'll at least be able to console myself with loads of kissing._ Rogue was glad she was alone, blushing was a very un-Rogue thing to do. _On the other hand, it might not work and still lose her sense of touch. That might be too much to bear. What am I doing thinking about the worse case scenario? I should be thinking about begin able to take my gloves off in the middle of a crowed room, or wear a spaghetti strap tank. I wouldn't have to go to the beach dressed like a leopar._ Sliding her gloves onto her hands, over her wrists and past her elbows, she climbed down.

It looked like everyone was home. "Kurt you seen the Prof?" Mr. Blue-and-fuzzy shrugged.

"I can help you find him." Kurt grinned so that his extra large canines showed.

"Alright, that'd be fine." Kurt grabbed hold of her securely and they pooffed around the Institute until they found him in the garden taking tea. "Thanks Kurt, I owe you one." She chucked Kurt on the chin. ~Poof.~ "Professor I've thought about it some more and I've decided that it is definitely a risk I'm willing to take. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it." The Professor offered Rogue tea, but she declined.

"Rogue I hope you have given this a great deal of thought. It may have permanent consequences." Charles sipped at his tea covertly looking for any uncertainty in her features. Seeing none he continued, "you and Logan will come to my study after dinner so we can discuss the plan."

"Logan, Sir?" She didn't mean any rudeness, but was unsure of what to make of Logan's involvement.

"Yes Rogue, Logan's mutation makes him a perfect candidate for testing." Charles was neither surprised by the question or the manner in which she relaxed upon its answer. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

Smiling wanly, "have you spoke to Logan yet?"

The Professor inclined his head. "I have, and I'm confident he is aware of the risks."

Feeling unaccountably shy, thinking about touching Logan with her bare skin. "When do we start?"

"I will need another week or two to formulate the neurointerceptors for our purpose. In the meantime it is a waiting game, for you. Rogue, I want you to know, that you can change your mind any time between now and when the first dose is administered. In all likelihood multiple doses will be needed to achieve any kind of affect. Even then, you can change your mind should you become uncomfortable with the risks or anything else for that matter."

Standing to go Rogue lay a hand on the Professor's shoulder, "thanks Professor X."

Rogue picked her way out of the garden onto the terrace. Mired in her own thoughts she hadn't realized Logan was watching her. "Hey kid. I guess Charles talked to you already." Rogue nodded mutely. Thinking she needed reassurance, "I'm sure the Professor knows what he's doing, Rogue. I think if anyone can help you it's him."

"I appreciate what you're doing Logan, you know you don't have to be a lab rat." Rogue was distinctly uncomfortable. She'd had too many experiences of receiving memories and thoughts best left unshared, to be truly excited. Deep in her heart Rogue harbored a fear that one day her gift would turn on her, spewing forth her memories and other stuff best not shared.

"I do have to be the lab rat. No one else can do it, it'd be too risky. I can't imagine what you go through, the sense of touch is something everyone takes for granted." Logan stared out across the rolling lawn. "Me included."

"Ah, yeah thanks Logan. It ain't a picnic." Rogue's discomfort grew, "I need to study for a test, I'll see you later."

~*~

Safely ensconced in her room, Rogue slid off her gloves. Figuring she should stick to what she said, Rogue pulled out the study guide Mr. Saunders gave her.

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**AN/This is my first in the print X-men Fanfic. Rogue is by far my favorite character.**


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own any rights to X-Men characters or setting, only the plot is mine.

Rogues Gamble

Unsettling Gift

~*~

Rogue was abnormally quiet through dinner, no one seemed to notice. They were amped up over the beginning of football season. _Why are you feeling guilty, Logan knows the risks. He knows exactly what can and most likely will happen when I make contact._ Sometimes she felt like confessor in some medieval play, giving absolution in her silence. She protects the secrets that come to her unbidden, after all they aren't hers to share. I guess either Logan has a strong belief in the Professor's skill or he knows I will keep any secrets that come through, maybe both.

~*~

Professor Xavier had a breakthrough with the neurointerceptors. The first day of trials approached faster than Rogue thought possible. "I feel naked," she said peeved. Rogue rubbed at her bare arms as though the contact would make her feel less exposed. The Professor administered the first injection. Keeping one eye on his timer, Charles checked her vital signs.

"It's time Rogue, the drug should be distributed throughout your system. If you have any change in sensation, let me know."

"Nothing so far Professor. I don't feel any different." Maybe it wasn't strong enough, or maybe more doses would need to penetrate her neuro networks before she noticed a change.

"Now Rogue touch Logan's hand." The Professor observed their individual reactions.

Logan could smell Rogue's fear, but he could tell that she was determined. _Brave girl._ She reached over, she knew it hadn't worked as soon as she made contact. It was like receiving a strong electrical shock, she felt a magnetic pulling sensation. Rogue broke the contact, but not before absorbing some of Logan's powers and memories. The revelations she was gifted, did nothing to ease her mind. There had been precious little contact, Logan was able to remain standing.

With a heightened sense of smell, Rogue picked up the normally indistinguishable male musk Logan exuded. It was like some exotic spice, hard to discern whether it was a sweet spice or a savory one. Professor X's scent was of French milled soap, Earl Grey tea and the occasional cigar no one knew he indulged in. The silence was palpable in the tiny room.

The Professor picked up on Rogue's discomfiture, "we can try another round tomorrow if you're still interested." Pursing his lips slightly. "You did very well, and thank you Logan, your help is invaluable."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer- **The only thing here that is mine is the plot, thank you.

**Author's Note- **Hope everyone is enjoy the fic so far.

**Date Modified-Monday, January 25, 2010  
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**Rogue's Gamble  
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**Confidences  
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**~*~**

Ever since the day Logan picked her up from school, she felt alienated more than ever. Separated by some invisible line dividing the people allowed to participate in life and her.

With each injection her mutation was suppressed a little more. After the fifth injection Rogue avoided Logan altogether. The memories and mental debris silted up in her brain, none of which made sense to her. _It was just as well, as she shouldn't try to interpret Logan's thoughts and experiences._

Professor X's assumption that her sense of touch was likely to be affected was correct. It hadn't been obvious at first, her sense of touch wasn't dulled, it was changed. The feeling was disturbing in its strangeness. She could feel spoken words, as though they were spoken from inside her head. She had concluded that her skin must now be able to discern sound waves. She hoped it wouldn't get any worse, the tactile sensation of sound rippled through her. Professor X had been intrigued by this change, though unable to pinpoint a cause as of yet.

~*~

The bright lights shown down on her as she stretched out recumbent on the examination table. "Rogue, all you well?" Professor Xavier inquired of the visibly stiff young woman.

"It's nothing Professor, I'm clearing my mind. It seems easier that way. I'm ready when you are." Rogue reassured.

"We are still waiting for Logan." The measured timbre of his voice wasn't as comforting as it was supposed to be.

Rogue bit her lip, she knew exactly where Logan was and what he was doing. _Get back to clearing your mind Rogue. _

"Sorry Charles, sorry I'm late." Logan sauntered in and took up his place on the other side of the gurney.

"After I administer the CW20 inhibitor, we will be performing the scan before, during and after you touch Logan. This time when you make contact see whether you can consciously restrain the attack. Can you do that Rogue?" The Professor swabbed her arm with the prep.

"I'll try my hardest Professor, it's going to be a challenge." Rogue was more than uncertain. Touching Logan had become something like a reoccurring dream. Particularly unnerving because she couldn't quite decide whether it was a dream or a nightmare. She extracted enough meaning from the encounter to know that Logan had a vested interest.

As soon as Rogue touched Logan, she gasped. Contact with Logan was broke. Claws shot out of her hands, she arched off the table and she screamed. A film of sweat erupted over her skin, the pain raged through her.

"Charles do something." Logan was worried for Rogue, when the claws protracted, the flesh around them bled profusely._ This was highly irregular._ Charles was double checking the equipment read outs. "Rogue if you can hear me, focus on my healing ability." Logan grabbed her exposed forearm. Logan shook slightly as Rogue retracted the claws and the bleeding stopped. Wolverine collapsed on the floor which broke their contact.

~*~

Because Rogue had taken Logan's ability to heal, they both recovered quickly though still fatigued.

~*~

Rogue sought Logan out the next day. Finding Logan in the carport, she pulled up a stool and sat. "You don't have to continue Logan, I'll understand."

Logan looked up from the bike's guts, "Listen Rogue I realize my head is a pretty scary place to be but as long as you're willing to try, I'll be helping. That is, unless you object." Agitated, Logan had to stop his work, he couldn't focus. Logan washed his hands in foaming puffs of grey soap. Rogue handed him a towel for drying. "You know, I'd never hurt you Rogue."

"Can I be frank Logan?" Rogue drawled. He gave the barest nod. "From the time my powers first emerged, all the people that I come in contact with, all of them leave memories. It seems like people put the most energy toward memories they are afraid of or, want to hide; for some reason those tend to be the ones I absorb first. I never share people's secrets. Sometimes I feel like confessor to mutantkind. Though it's a rare occasion that anything left behind has anything to do with me personally."

"About that, yeah I don't know what to say about that." Logan was at a loss.

Rogue never really pictured herself as one to make reassurances. "You know Logan, it doesn't bother me. Actually it's kinda nice, and I know what you go through before you've been coming to the CW20 therapy sessions. It's okay Logan," Rogue looked away and blushed. She stood and made a hasty exit.

~*~

In search of Professor X, Rogue had to cope with the effects of yesterday's treatment which had greatly amplified her tactile reception of the spoken voice. It was distracting and embarrassing to jump unexpectedly when someone started speaking. Sometimes the feeling was nice, like a warm hug but most of the time the feeling intruded and disturbed her.

~*~

"Professor do you object whether I arrange with school to complete this last year from here at the Institute? I can't focus since the treatments, people will whisper in class and it's kinda like someone's poking me. The last test I got back from Ms. Rizzo was a 'D' which isn't really passing. The guy behind me kept giving himself a pep talk too quiet for anyone else to hear." Rogue huffed.

"Rogue, you are legally an adult so you may do as you wish, regardless I must express my concern about continuing with the treatments. While you have achieved some control over your gifts, the side effects appear to be pushing you into isolation."

She absorbed the Professor's words, considering them carefully. "No I don't think it's isolating so much as it makes me appreciate the ability to touch and the feeling of it. Believe me when I say that it's a small investment for the return. We're getting so close, I have hope that I'll be able to fully control my power if we continue. May I?" Holding out her gloved left hand for his, Rogue tugged her right glove off with her teeth. Pressing her bare finger tip to Charles' palm gave him a sensation similar to the jolt from a joy buzzer. Withdrawing her finger and re-sheathing her hand. "See I can almost completely control how much draw my power has. I'm so happy I couldn't tell you, you see I think the side-effects are a reasonable price to pay. Besides feeling people speak isn't too terrible, though it'll take some time to get used to. I'm not used to so much sensation."

"As a precaution, I think you should choose someone here at the Institute to confide in, so you do not find yourself mired in isolation." Charles studied her body language, which was guarded and meaningfully manic. "Rogue, we are all here for you. As you approach success the number and variety of tests we will run will be increasing to ensure we achieve a full understanding of the scope of its effectiveness." Somewhat more optimistic, "if this type of treatment is successful, then it mean a world of difference to other mutants who suffer from uncontrollable gifts. For example many of the Morlocks may benefit from the result of the therapy."

Squeezing her clenched hands between her knees, "yeah, that's true. Professor, thank you for the 'okay.' I'll take care of the paperwork first thing in the morning. Professor, can I talk to you? I respect you for your honesty and objectivity. Not to mention that I can probably save myself some trouble 'cause I'm sure you already know the problem."

"If you are sure Rogue, then I'd be happy to help any way you think I can." Charles interlaced his fingers. "When and how would you like to begin?"

"When it's convenient for you. Come Monday my schedule will a lot more flexible, so I'll be at your liberty."

"Forgive me for saying this Rogue, you seemed to be troubled at the moment." Charles hazarded.

"Yeah, it's just this thing with the testing and all. It's the best thing that's happened to me since you took me in, I feel like I'm in three-sixty spin. After I found out the hard way about my gifts, I was terrified of them. I had to always on the look-out to make sure no one made accidental contact with me. I was responsible for everyone around me, their safety became my job by default. Then, when I began training to fight the bad-guys I used my ability to disable others, to hurt them. Do you know what I mean?" The tear she wiped away sat disconsolately on her shiny kid gloves. The Professor assented and encouraged her to continue. "And I'm feeling like, man I can't get a break. Everyone gets to get close to others, but I can't. I'm afraid to touch the flowers planted around the Institute Professor. Probably it wouldn't take much to kill 'em." Rogue accepted the linen square and dabbed her eyes. "Having to touch Logan with my own skin knowin' that each time, I was endangering him and taking a bit of him with me. After so many times of going through that, you kind of get to know more about a person than is strictly polite, if you know what I mean. I won't ever share his secrets, not ever, but I can't very well get away from them either." Rogue stood and walked the room to release some of her nervous energy. "I kinda crushed on Logan before all this happened. But now I'm not so sure it's that simple anymore."

Charles chuckled with the tenderness of morning dew. "Rogue, I apologize. I don't wish to make light of your situation. What you are experiencing is completely normal, it doesn't feel as natural for you because it's taken so much longer for it to develop. Had your gift not impaired your ability to touch, your situation might not have seemed so dramatic. As it is Rogue, you are a young woman who has much to discover about yourself, with the tentative success of the treatments it might be possible for you to begin exploring. However, I wish you to remain on guard; we don't yet know how well this will truly work. There maybe conditional limits to the treatment; for example, you may not be able to control your power draw from your nose in the same way you can with your fingertips. There are still many things we can't be sure of at this time."

"Professor, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that things go well now but stop working later, and everything." It was a painful thing to admit for Rogue. "If I get accustomed to being able to touch with my own skin, then have it taken away; I think I'd just die. It scares me. I know that's crazy, but I never bought into the idea that it's better to get to do something temporarily than never do it at all." Upset, Rogue broke off abruptly. "My head is hurtin' from all this stress, can we leave it for now Professor?"

"Certainly Rogue, remember that I'm here for you whenever you need me." Rogue walked over to the Professor and hugged briefly before leaving.

**~*~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own what you recognize here.**

**Rogue's Gamble**

**Monday, 1:30p.m.**

**

* * *

  
**

"Hey, kid." Logan's gruff voice floated over to Rogue.

Rogue looked over the top of her book, "I think you want to rephrase that Mr. Logan Sir."

"Well, at least you didn't throw your book at me. Hank's busy, wanna spar?" Logan had his hands on his hips, a water bottle in one hand and a towel in the other.

"I don't think I could get my head in it," perking up slightly at her brainstorm, "but I wouldn't mind going for a ride on your bike."

"Where to?" He definitely would up for a ride, and after all they might be able to clear the air a bit.

She grinned. "There is a public exercise trail, kill two birds with one stone?" Marking her page, Rogue arranged to meet Logan in the hall in ten.

~*~

For a few moments Rogue stood before the mirror looking at herself. It had been some time since she actually looked at herself, the contours of flesh and bone. Over it all was a weapon, it's pale beauty belied its deadly quality. Ever since her ability emerged, it wasn't safe to see her skin as anything but a weapon. To consider it as an organ for receiving and interrupting sensation was a completely foreign concept. Holding a bare arm out Rogue grazed the fingertips of the other hand along a stretch of skin. The thought of feeling someone else's fingertips on her skin made her heart race; the same sensation of falling a great distance in a dream, frightening and exhilarating all at once. Holding onto the chest of drawers Rogue closed her eyes hoping that her heart would slow. As a diversion to her heart's excitable pace, Rogue put on sports bra and yoga pants.

A short, sharp rap at the door, didn't help. Hastily she pulled on a tank top. Grabbing her pullover Rogue pulled open the door to find Logan. He stared at her, the soft and inviting beauty of a sea anemone, dangerous and potentially deadly. Collecting himself, "change your mind?"

Putting on the pullover, "nope. I was having technical difficulties. Sorry 'bout that."

They sped through the makings of rush hour traffic to the Bayville Recreation Center.

~*~

"On the ride up here I had an epiphany," Rogue leaned against the split-rail fence stretching. Logan waited for her to continue. "I like going for rides on the bike, because I get to feel the rushing wind. I can't hurt the wind, it always finds me no matter how carefully I dress. Sometimes it's my neck or wrists or ankles, sort of like a get out of jail free pass." Logan was able to understand what she meant even if he couldn't relate.

"Somethin' eatin' at you Rogue?" Logan didn't want to fan his hand too soon.

Rogue looked as grateful as she felt when he asked, "everything." There was no point in trying to hide the fact, Logan could tell. Her time spent channelling Logan's heightened senses were enough to make her feel a little exposed in Logan's company. They started down the trail at a brisk walk to warm up. "I kinda need a straight answer about something." Rogue pulled her hair back to keep it out of her face having arrived at the first station: Stepping posts.

"Shoot." Logan performed several neck rolls to release the tension. They were more like uneven pilings than posts, some extending well above waist height. Stretching first Rogue started at the lowest post hopped from post to post balancing perfectly.

"Well, it's just that, do you realize working with the inhibitor has created a strange sort of intimacy?" Logan grunted in agreement. "Seems kinda unfair, you know?"

"Rogue listen, if it bothers you then we can stop with the inhibitor." Logan struggled with his own feeling of guilt.

"That's not what I mean Logan." Jumping onto the highest post Rogue flipped off, landing in the sand below.

"Show-off." Logan stepped onto the recently vacated post then jumped down. "What did you mean?" They continued down the trail.

"It's just that I know so much about you, but you only know nuts and bolts about me. I'm willing to level the playing field some." Rogue flexed her traps, delts, and biceps.

Logan grinned, "so I can ask you all sorts of embarrassing questions so I'm not the only one with my ass hanging out to get shot off?"

Laughing a bit at Logan's metaphor; the man didn't use them often, but they were always effective. "Basically."

They ran to the next station without saying anything else. Chin-up and Press-up bars.

"Ah man, I hate these." Rogue groaned. Logan selected one and performed one-armed pull-ups. "Whose the show-off now?"

"You'll never get any better if you don't work on it." Logan was amused as Rogue struggled to pull herself up. Frustrated Rogue dropped down tugged her glove off behind her back and tagged a bit of skin on his exposed abdomen. "No fair." Logan felt the jolt and let go if only to watch Rogue perform chin-ups with ease. "We're supposed to be on the same team, remember?"

"Alls fair and everythin'." Pulling herself so that her waist was at bar level, she flipped herself, hung then dropped.

"Fair huh? How's this for fair? What is your most embarrassing moment ever?" Logan got a laugh from Rogue's pained expression.

"Don't go for blood, do ya?" Rogue said sarcastically. The pair walked to the next station.

"Answer the question," Logan growled.

"Fine...Are you sure you want to hear this?" Logan grinned, "uhm, all right. Iwastakingashower,Kurt ''myself." Rogue so fast it was as though she was conducting an auction.

"Say that again, slower." Logan knew this must be good.

"All right already. I was in the shower stall, but I hadn't turned the water on yet. Kurt comes in and drops his robe, opens the shower stall and sees me there. He screamed something in German and left." Rogue was beet red.

"So what were you doing in there?" Logan ribbed.

"You're ruthless, you know that?" Giving Logan a flat look, "you're not going to make me say it are you?" Enjoying himself, Logan nodded. "Damn, I was masturbating, okay? Jeeminie Christmas. Anyway Kurt never mentioned the incident and I never tried to figure out what he'd said. And anyway it's not like you don't do it."

"Touche." Leg lifts. Both clamored onto the broad flat surface for crunches and leg lifts. At the end of their sets Rogue was drenched in sweat.

"I think I'll sit the rest out." Rogue walked the rest of the way with Logan.

~*~

Sucking down water back at the shelter, "The Professor says you've developed more control over your ability."

Rogue visibly shivered. "Yeah," she didn't elaborate.

"He also said that you can feel people speak." Logan sat next to Rogue on the picnic table top. Lowering the pitch of his voice, "tell me about it."

"Stop that," Rogue swatted him. "It's nothing."

Logan inhaled deeply. "You expect me to believe that?"

~*~

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Author's Note: I wanted to hurry and post this chapter since it will be some time before my next update. (The story is not abandoned.)


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